Helping My Allies Out

My post Why I Hesitate has generated a slight amount of buzz and I couldn’t be happier.  I’m re-visiting the topic because a man named Stephen wrote a comment on the original post about what more he could do.  I felt his plea for help came from an honest place, and what’s minor Internet fame if I can’t use it to help my fellow humans?

The first step is education.  I recommend Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks.  It’s a good jumping-off place for a beginner.  Granted, hooks has her detractors, like everyone, but I find it to be a valid first-time feminist read.  Also, if you are lucky enough to live near a college or university, check into some of the women’s studies classes.  It may also be listed under “gender studies”.  Women’s studies professors are usually open to having guests, but be sure to ask first.  You usually don’t have to be a student to participate in events like “Women’s Week” or something similar.  If you don’t live near a university it can be helpful to e-mail a women’s studies professor and ask for a list of recommended readings or a copy of a syllabus.  Don’t let the stereotypes fool you; we are surprisingly friendly and helpful.

The second step is action.  This is the step that trips up most people. I personally have signed up for e-mail alerts from places like Planned Parenthood.  They send me an e-mail whenever some political fuck-knucklery is about to go down so that I can fire off a quick e-mail to my representatives whenever I check my inbox.  I can really be that simple!  Also, many feminist blogs and tumblrs will have action alerts.  The Shakesville community calls this ‘teaspooning”.  They provide e-mails and phone numbers for you to use.  If this all seems so overwhelming, it might help to pick a focus.  There is no shame in dividing the work into manageable chunks.  

The third step is to help educate others.  I personally suck at this step because I usually end up getting angry and telling some misogynist where he can get on the bus to hell.  Thankfully, there is always room for personal growth.  This step is where male allies can be very helpful because, sadly, men tend to listen to other men before they listen to a woman.  So stepping up to the plate and refusing to laugh at a rape joke or stopping sexual harassment when you see it is a huge act in educating others.

Finally, never stop trying.  Sometimes it feels like we’re all beating our collective heads against a brick Wall O’Sexism, but the goals we hold dear are worth the occasional headache.  And keep in mind that small acts of progression are still very important.  It might not seem like much to fire off 50 bucks to a domestic violence shelter or telling your guys friends that you can’t go to Hooter’s on principle, but it really does add up, and we really do appreciate it.